Why The Tears?

Made my first gluten free trip to the grocery store today.  As I strolled the gluten free aisle, I had to fight back tears.  The choices seemed so limiting.  Two sides of one aisle at the grocery store.  One aisle.  As I perused labels on other aisles my chest began to tighten as I read statements such as "made in a facility that processes wheat, dairy, nuts, soy."

Stress.

Breathe, Natalie, breathe.  Don't hyperventilate!  Just breathe.

Even as I type this post, I feel my heart rate increase and my chest feels full and heavy.  And then great, big sighs are exhaled.  Whew.  

I had to stop and ask myself, "Why the tears?"  I mean really, Natalie?  The entire purpose of this blog is to educate myself on the food we eat and then make CHANGES to our diets.  

So many of the needed changes are already in place anyway!  Why the tears?

For 9 months we have been eating organic fruits and vegetables and grass fed meats when possible,  cutting down on refined sugar, and reducing the amount of processed foods and fast foods.  By just eliminating the processed foods in our diets I had already removed most of the gluten culprits from our diets.

Could it be that I associate gluten foods with convenience and happiness?  Like the cakes, cookies and brownies that make my little people's eyes light up?  Or the occasions when we are in a hurry to get out the door so the hidden stash of graham crackers, saltines, or goldfish, are pulled out and served.  

Why the tears?  We eat limited amounts of gluten anyway.  Why the tears?  Why the tight chest and anxiety?

I think it can be boiled down to this: before, it was a choice.  I could have days, okay weeks, that I backslid on the lifestyle I wanted.  But now it is an absolute necessity.  There is no end, no rest for busy weeks or weekends.  There is only the constant diligence and questions that go along with the gluten free diet.  And that seems to cause me the most stress.  It is UNENDING.

So this blog post today is to acknowledge the tears that have stained my face and the mourning swirling around in my heart.  This too shall pass.  I'll pull it together and get my emotions under control.  It just seems a daunting task right now. 

Big, huge thank you to all of my friends that have reached out to offer their help and expertise.  I will be leaning heavily on you while I make this family transition to a gluten free diet.

With a grateful heart that is currently in a bit of mourning, 

Natalie